


Before the Shadow

by KadeSmash85



Category: Tomb Raider (Video Games)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23282425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KadeSmash85/pseuds/KadeSmash85
Summary: Just after Yamatai - Sam and Lara have some healing and soul searching to do, but Lara will soon want to jump right back into the fray. But what will it cost her when it comes to Sam, her best friend, and someone she's been attracted to for years? Lara POV
Relationships: Lara Croft/Samantha Nishimura
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One  
  


_In our darkest moments... When life flashes before us. We find something; something that keeps us going._

It should have been so oblivious when I first met Sam. I had been sitting outside, studying one of my many textbooks for one of my classes, just enjoying some fresh air while I read. Never did I expect someone to approach me. Usually I was left to my own devices, so when a random girl I had never met before came up to me asking to “shoot me” I was a bit thrown off. My eyebrows could not have been further up in my hairline from the shock of it.

Standing in front of me was a girl around my age, of Asian decent. She had a fancy looking camera in her hands, a strap attached to it and hanging around her shoulders.

With a mouth full of Jaffa Cake, I couldn't exactly talk but I tried anyway. What came out was a very garbled, “Excuse me?” Sam had grinned, of course she grinned. It was like she had gotten some sort of pleasure out of the moment. My cheeks burned a little from the flush that crept into my cheeks, realizing I had just spoken with a mouth full of cake... And apparently I became the butt of someone else's amusement. It was rather embarrassing in the moment.

Sam and I could not have been more opposite from each other. Yet it didn't take long before we were both attached at the hip. Nearly from the get go. Sam had dragged me out clubbing that very night. Normally I would have said no, but something about Sam had captivated me. I had agreed to it, despite my discomfort in crowds. We had danced and drank the night away, and it was just the beginning.

I couldn't even tell you how we became such close friends or when... It almost felt like we had always been that way. Like we had known each other all our lives. We were nothing alike. She was my polar opposite. I was quiet, she was loud. I was studios, she was creative. I was introverted and she was extroverted. I was shy, she was so bold. In a way I admired her. I think that's what drew me to her. I admired the fact that she was my opposite.

Over the years we had done everything together. She would drag me out to her clubs and parties. She would make me socialize, had managed to get me smashed a number of times. In turn I drug her out on hikes with Roth, camping, fishing trips. She was everything I probably needed in life, and I felt pretty confident that I was probably everything she needed. She brought me out of my shell, and I gave her some stability. It was like we balanced each other out.

We were best friends. Somehow, despite our differences, despite our opposite personalities, we were still best friends. Maybe we weren't so different in the end... It's hard to pinpoint exactly what caused us to be so close, but I wasn't about to complain either. Maybe we were more alike than it seemed.

In the end she became such a huge part of my life, and I hers. There wasn't anything that didn't involve us both. And I could not have been happier.

So it should have been obvious. After spending so much time together, going on adventures and causing a ruckus together, that I had eventually come to realize that I had developed feelings for her. More than just friendship. More than her being my best friend. I developed a romantic attraction, and trust me, it was more of a shock to myself than it might have been to anyone else.

I had never really thought about it. I had a couple boyfriends... Had slept with them, but it never worked out with them. I always thought that perhaps it was just because I was more focused on my studies, my future in archaeology... But maybe what it really was, was that I just didn't click with them like I thought I had at the time. That no one truly understood me until Sam came along. The realization had come out of the left field and left my head spinning.

My only problem was I didn't think the feelings would ever be mutual, so I kept my mouth shut through the years. I would have rather she was in my life as my best friend than not be in my life at all.

So of course she was my priority on Yamatai. She was the reason I fought so damned hard. Went through hell. I had lost so much on Yamatai. I lost Alex, Grim, _Roth_. God, that hurt to think about. After I lost my parents, Roth became like a father to me. He raised me, was there for me, gave me the courage and support to chase my own dreams. I couldn't afford to lose Sam too.

Yamatai wasn't exactly what I had been expecting. If anything I expected the usual; ruins, artifacts, discovering what might have happened to the lost kingdom. Instead what we found was something beyond belief. Even I would have never believed the island was cursed by a long since dead queen, nor that the storms were caused by supernatural means.

It was a complete nightmare. Never had I thought how right my father really was. That the supernatural was real, that it existed, and still exists to this day. I was just like everyone else and thought he was mad to believe in such things as ancient magic. My disbelief in it caused the strain in my relationship with my father. How wrong I was. We all were.

I also never figured I would do the things I did on Yamatai. That I would be capable of the things that I am. I never figured I could fight my way through the things I did, or survive so much, let alone that I was capable of killing someone... Multiple people to be honest. It took everything I had to make it through that damned island. If I hadn't found my reason to fight so damned hard I don't think I would have made it.

I looked down to see my best friend asleep against me. Knowing that she was still breathing, and herself, was a tremendous relief. I don't know what I would do if she wasn't here right now. Honestly, if she hadn't made it I might have just given up, let the Solarii kill me.

Sam, I thought. If it weren't for Sam I'd have died almost as soon as I stepped foot on Yamatai. But she was safe. So was Reyes and Jonah. I am glad some of us made it off Yamatai, but it came at such a great cost.

I let my head hit the bulkhead of the freight ship that had found us adrift at sea. It hadn't been more than 24 hours before they found us, I'm sure. But they were taking us back to Japan, and I was eternally grateful. Who knows what might have happened if they hadn't found us when they did. It was almost as relieving as getting off Yamatai.

A sigh escaped me as I closed my eyes briefly trying to recollect myself. I could still feel the remnants of adrenaline flowing through me. It sort of felt like a light buzz coursing through my body. I tried to focus on the sound of waves lapping against the hull of the ship. I wish I could say it helped but in all honesty it just about did me in, reminding me too much of Yamatai right this moment.

I opened my eyes looking back down at Sam who had barely been able to peel herself away from me since we got off that god forsaken island. Mostly just long enough to get herself cleaned up and changed into some spare sweats that were way too big for her; given by one of the crew. It also allowed me time to get cleaned up. Or as best as I could. My body was stiff now that there was no present danger. Moving about just hurt. I could tell my injuries were more than infected and to be honest sitting still like this, without all that adrenaline to fuel me, I wasn't feeling so well anymore.

Sam was relatively unharmed, physically. Psychologically was probably another story though. But for now, she looked at peace. She was practically in my lap as we sat on the deck of the ship, curled up against my chest, her head under my chin. Reyes and Jonah were probably below deck, but there really weren't any spare bunks for any of us.

I was fine with it either way. At this point I was used to a lot worse. I sighed as my eyes felt so heavy suddenly, letting out a yawn. God, Yamatai felt like a life time on it's own... and going anywhere near civilization almost felt intimidating. Yet I was glad to be getting further and further away from that hell hole.

Sam adjusted some against me, her hand clutching at the t-shirt I was given by another crew member, mumbling something in her sleep before she resettled. I couldn't help but smile at her. I just felt relieved all around, but especially over the fact that we made it. We were all safe. Sam was safe. I don't think I ever fought harder for anyone before. But I had to get to Sam. There was no negotiating that.

The thought of losing her drove me to doing the impossible. And I know that deep inside me, I would do it all again. Of all the people I lost, or might have lost, she was the one person I couldn't afford to lose. I would have fought to my last breath to get her back. She was the most important person in all the world to me.

Sam was my reason to keep going on Yamatai, despite all the odds that were stacked against us. I lost too much, but never Sam. Never her.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Getting to Tokyo Japan had taken a few days. We were pretty far out when the freight ship found us. I would have felt more relief it weren't for the fact that by the time we reached port I was in a bad way. I had so many injuries. Lacerations, punctures, my chest was _hurting_. Maybe cracked ribs? I was running a high fever, and I was delirious. Honestly I barely remember the final day at sea, I just have Sam's word to go by.

I was carted off to the hospital by ambulance and I don't even remember arriving. Now I'm laid up in a hospital bed feeling sorry for myself. I apparently had emergency surgery, the rebar having gone through my intestines. And as it turned out I didn't crack my ribs, I broke a few of them and had other more minor fractures through out my body along with some burns.

I felt like a living Frankenstein. I had stitches, bandages, my ankle had a brace on it. The doctors didn't seem to know how I was even alive. To be honest even I wasn't entirely sure how I even _walked_ off that island, let alone while carrying Sam in my arms. At least in the state I was apparently in.

I let out a sigh as I looked around my hospital room. It was fairly standard, a decent sized with with it's own bath, window, and telly. The nurse had left that on after she came and checked in on me, and of course the news was clambering over Yamatai. I honestly didn't want to hear about it right then, but the nurse had left the blasted remote on the tv stand on the other end of the room.

I let my head flop back on the pillow, which sort of hurt. God, what a mess this was. I was hurting, and feeling sorry for myself. My mind would not stop running circles about the events on Yamatai, especially with the news going on about it in the background. All I could think about was Roth, Alex and Grim dying on that cursed island. None of them deserved what happened there. Maybe Whitman, a little.

I covered my face with my hands, or as best I could. I had IV's in both hands, I'm sure pumping me full of meds and or fluids. Also my arms were covered in bandages and several stitches. Moving was just too difficult right now.

And just as I felt like I was about to lose what was left of my mind, tears threatening to escape my eyes, I heard a light tapping at my door. I took a shuddering breath, trying to recollect myself as I wiped at my eyes with my forearm. “Come in.” I rasped. God, I didn't need any more doctors coming to check in on me, I just wanted to be left alone.

But the door opened and when I let my head flop to the side to see who it was, Sam came walking in. God I didn't know how much I needed to see her until she was there, smiling lightly at me. “Sam, what're you doing out of bed?” I asked, perhaps a little concerned. But since she hadn't been suffering from so many physical injuries, she was probably restless. Still I tried to prop myself up on my elbows, my eyebrows practically in my hairline.

She could see my struggle just to sit up but I gave up. Still she smiled at me as she walked over to my bed as she pushed up one of the few chairs in the room, taking a seat. “I just wanted to come see how you were doing.” She said.

God she was such a sight for such sore eyes. I couldn't stop myself if I tried, not that I did. My hand sought hers out, which she accepted, and I laced my fingers between hers. It was kind of uncomfortable given the needle in the back of my hand, but I didn't care. It brought me a different sort of comfort that I needed in that moment.

I let my free arm drape over my face, trying to fight back the tears once again as I clutched onto my best friend's hand tightly. If only she knew what kind of messed up I was right now. “Oh, Sweetie, it's okay.” She said gently reaching towards me with her free hand, finding my cheek with it and resting there. I took a shuddering breath, rolling my face further into her hand, letting my free arm flop back at my side.

If only she knew what that simple touch or gesture did for me.

“I'm just glad you're here, Sam...” was all I could muster saying. When I looked back at her she had this look on her face I hadn't seen before. It was a mixture of concern, and yet there was something else there. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. But really I was just so glad to see her in one piece and relatively unharmed. I don't know what I would do if she was among the list of the dead.

She then got up from her chair, releasing my hand as she managed to make her way onto my bed. My eyebrows shot up I was so caught off guard by what she was doing. “Ouch... watch the needles.” I tried to say a little humorously as she just grinned at me a bit, sticking her tongue out. But she managed to get herself into my small bed, over my arm and tucked herself against me.

She was as careful as she could be, draping one arm across my stomach as she carefully laid her head on my shoulder. I'm pretty sure my face turned three shades of red but I tried to find a comfortable way to put the arm she was laying over around her given the needles and tubes... And the stitches. But eventually we found a way to lay there mostly comfortably. “Is this ok? Does it hurt?” She then asked.

Of course she'd ask after the fact. I couldn't help but chuckle at how ridiculous it seemed. But she didn't always think her actions through and would only stop to think after she'd done something. It was something I had found oddly endearing about her. “I think I'll manage.” I joked as she looked up at me with a cheeky smirk. She made one last adjustment against me and honestly, my heart was pounding in my chest.

It was kind of confusing why I was laying here feeling flustered by her cuddling up to me like this. During our days in Uni, and even after when we planned the whole trip to Yamatai we'd been fairly close. We'd shared a bed before.. Gone to clubs together, mostly because she had dragged me to them... Had movie nights together or our camping trips. We were maybe a little more physical than most friends and had our fair share of hugs, cuddles, and hand holding...

Despite having known for ages that I had feelings for her this wasn't entirely out of place. So why was this so different? I couldn't quite figure it out. Suddenly I remembered the telly as I heard my name being mentioned and I looked over at it scoffing some. “I suppose you wouldn't be willing to go get the remote to turn that off...?” I questioned. Our eyes met and she just smiled before nuzzling her head into my shoulder again. It sort of hurt, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want her to stop despite the slight discomfort.

“Nah, too comfy.” She said, sounding amused with herself. I rolled my eyes but I was smiling. Whatever, I suppose I could just deal with it. I yawned anyway, feeling like I could fall asleep, even though I haven't even been awake that long today. I was just more than exhausted. But I took a deep breath, feeling a lot calmer than I did mere moments ago. Sam's presence had a bit of a calming effect. Like things weren't so bad with her around.

Sam had been pretty quiet, carefully playing at the fabric of the hospital gown I currently wore. To be honest I was sort of dozing off, feeling mostly comfortable with her curled up against me. Not to mention I was just totally knackered in every sense of the word. “Thanks, Lara.” Sam then said quietly. Despite how quiet she was it startled me and my eyes shot back open. She sounded a little upset perhaps. It caught my attention either way and I was suddenly a little more alert again.

I looked down at her, careful to brush her hair from her face so I could see her better. “For what?” I asked, the concern I felt edging into my voice, but I was also a little confused. I wasn't sure why she was thanking me, or what for.

Sam poked at my abdomen almost absently, just barely missing the bulging gauze pad taped to my rebar wound. “For saving me.” She then said.

I did the best I could to wrap up her up in my arms. Granted it was a little awkward, and not the best of hugs she would normally get out of me, but she knew the intentions were there. She further buried herself against me, trying not to be too rough with me in return. “Hey, you don't have to thank me. I would have never left you there, not in a million years.” It was the truth.

She had a solemn smile on her face. Like it wasn't quite genuine. I ran my fingers through her hair, trying to sooth her best I could. She had fallen silent once more, burying her face into my neck. Her breath was warm against the skin there, and I had an involuntary shiver from it, but she didn't seem to notice. She just wrapped her arm back around me as we both fell into silence.

Nothing more was spoken between us. It was too much, thinking about everything we went through. I still couldn't quite process everything. But as we lied there, the exhaustion kicked back in, and I glanced down at Sam, who had seemingly fallen asleep already. Her eyes were closed, her breathing slow and steady. I went back to stroking her hair slowly, a yawn escaping me as I let my own eyes close.

Right now I had everything I needed, I thought as I began to fall asleep once more.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forewarning: I haven't read many of the comics. Maybe the first 9 issues that came out before Rise of the Tomb Raider... I will be ignoring them in large part, I don't know enough specifics of what happened in them... Also I'm just totally winging this whole thing.
> 
> Been so exhausted, and I should be lucky to be considered an essential employee, but with all the panic, lockdowns, and people flooding the delivery business, I have had my butt kicked. I really hope this is still enjoyable despite my state of mind as I write it. 
> 
> Also also, I've never really written in first person, and I have no idea why I am now, but hopefully it's not horrid. =x

Chapter Three

It took a few weeks for me to be released from the hospital. Sam was right to go after a week, but she was hanging out in my room almost every day anyway. Not that I was going to complain. Her company kept me relatively sane. It was... oddly hard to just lay in bed. With nothing to do but watch the telly. At least with Sam around it was bearable.

But now we were home, in London. It had taken some readjustment. At first, Sam and I spent a lot of time just trying to get our heads back on straight. The first couple weeks home, Sam had taken to staying with me in my flat. I didn't mind it... We both weren't sleeping properly, the nightmares kept us awake, or feeling uncomfortable, and we spent a lot of sleepless nights watching stupid movies.

But after a few weeks I started burying myself in my father's old research. I needed answers more than anything. I wanted to know what he was after. Wanted to understand what we saw on Yamatai. Understand the hell we went through.

I had managed to drag all of my father's research from the manor back to my flat in London. Papers, journals, maps, books had been scattered about my flat for days. Trying to decipher his research was taking time. He had been meticulous about covering his tracks. I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything less. After my mum... Well he became overly paranoid and obsessive with whatever he was researching.

I must have fallen asleep however because I woke up to my phone going off. I was groggy and confused, a book falling off my lap as I aimlessly felt around for my phone. I was barely propped against the couch on the floor, papers _everywhere_. My phone finally went silent before I could figure out where it went.

I rubbed my face, trying to shake the confusion from my tired brain. The silence did not last long as my phone began to ring once again. Shaking my head, feeling some clarity coming back to me I began pushing papers and my own notebooks around. Finally, I found my phone buried underneath everything.

I blinked my eyes, trying to clear some of the sleep from them as I looked at the name that was on the screen. I quickly answered the call, phone to my ear. “Sam? Sam, are you ok?” I asked, the concern clear as day, even to me.

“Oh my god, Lara!” Sam's voice was almost way too loud. I had to pull the phone away a moment. Her speech was slurred too, and I frowned. She had been drinking, and judging by the noises in the background she was probably at a club. In a way this was nothing new, I shouldn't have felt upset at all. Yet part of me was.

I took a breath, trying to recollect myself. I didn't want to sound rude to Sam, I really didn't. I know how she is, she likes to party, she always has. And I shouldn't begrudge her from trying to find a sense of normalcy after everything that happened on Yamatai. “Sam, it's really late..” I said trying to stifle a yawn. I could still hear all manners of noise in the background, and Sam's voice mingled into it but everything went muffled for a moment.

Finally, after a pause Sam came back, “Lara, please come get me. I can't fucking do this.” Sam said sounding both distraught and drunk. My heart instantly began to pound, adrenaline flooding my system. Where I was feeling like I could go back to sleep, I was now wide awake, alert, and already on the move. I never really got undressed so I quickly retrieved my keys, a jacket and began to put boots on. “Like it's... too much, please.” I could hear Sam add.

I was already nearly out the door. “Sam, where are you, I'm on my way.” I replied back. The seriousness of my own voice threw me off, but I was in a hurry to go pick her up. Normally I wouldn't panic. She had called me to get her many times in the past. If she felt like she drank too much, or were around the wrong sort of people. I would, of course go get her, but right now I felt like her life depended on it.

As soon as I knew where she was I hopped into my old truck, hoping to god it had enough petrol and would even turn on. I hadn't used the thing since before Yamatai. I generally took a cab, or the train. It was just cheaper and easier with London's traffic. Sometimes, even faster. But sometimes I would drive, if it wasn't too far away, or in cases like this where I needed to get Sam. I hadn't even used the truck to go to the manor.

After some trying the engine turned over. “Sam, I'm on my way, I'll be there soon.” I said to her as I threw the truck in drive and began to head to the club she mentioned. It was just one of many she would frequent in our Uni days.

“Thank god, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.” I could hear her say. It almost sounded like she was crying. I felt even more adrenaline fuel me, and it took all of my will power not to go speeding down the roads. I put her on speaker phone, trying to assure her everything would be alright as I drove. I don't know if she could tell that I was feeling so much anxiety. I tried to remain calm, for her sake.

When I finally pulled in front of the club, I immediately got out of the car. I could see Sam as she hung up her phone before practically throwing herself into me. I held her up as she suddenly giggled, “My hero!” she slurred. I sighed but held onto her as I guided her to my truck. I'm pretty sure she had drank more than her fair share, and I looked around us, seeing some boys trying to beg Sam to come back into the club.

She was so pissed I don't think she realized they were cat calling at her. I gave them a glare as I helped her into the passenger seat. I helped her get buckled in before brushing her hair from her face. “You alright, Sam? Did anyone do anything to you?” I asked, still standing outside the passenger side of my truck. She drunkenly giggled at me, a big smile on her face, despite the fact she was barely sitting up on her own.

She patted my forearm after my hand rested on her cheek. “Perfect, now that you're here. You worry too much” She said. Well she sounded less emotional than she did mere moments ago on the phone. I gave her a small smile as I tried to relax myself, trying to force the tension out of my muscles.

“Alright, let's go home.” I said as I closed the door and hopped back into the driver's seat.

Once we were home I had to carry her into my flat she was so sloshed. She could barely even keep her eyes open as her arms hung loosely around my shoulders. I was carrying her bridal style, much like I did on Yamatai coming down that mountain. I had to make sure her mini dress wasn't riding up too much and I had put my jacket on her even.

Once insider I took her over to the couch, using my knee as an anchor as I carefully laid her down onto it. Once she was laying down I began to stand back up, ready to get her a glass of water, but she reached up and grabbed onto my wrist. “Wait, where you going?” She almost wined. I looked down at her, maybe a little too fondly given the situation.

“I'm just going to get you some water and tablets.” I said gently as I leaned back over, once more brushing hair from her face. She just gave a silent laugh as I managed to get her to release me so I could go do just that.

Once I got her settled onto the couch, with a blanket and extra pillow, I tried to clear up some of the mess on the floors. In case she needed to get up and to use the loo, I figured. I didn't go through hell just so my drunken best friend tripped over my rubbish and broke her neck. I sighed after I made sure a decent path was cleared and shut off the lights and went to my bedroom.

After changing into some pajama bottoms and a tank top I climbed into bed, ready to get some more sleep myself. The adrenaline rush from having to get Sam had left me feeling even more knackered than when I had originally fallen asleep.

But not even five minutes later my bedroom door swung open. I groaned, covering my face with my hands. I loved Sam dearly. I really did. She was everything to me. But I had no energy for her drunken antics tonight. Granted I had picked her up and brought her home so that I knew she was safe. I felt bad feeling grumpy all of a sudden. I sighed as my arms flopped to my sides on the bed, looking over at her as she stumbled to my bed. “Laaaraaa..” She wined and I couldn't help but smile.

Sam. My crazy drunk Sam. Why was I being so moody over it? “Oh come on, then.” I said as I scooted over on my bed. She giggled as she practically fell into bed next to me. I felt her tug at me arm, wanting me to snuggle with her I supposed. I sighed and complied without complaint. Who was I kidding, I could never say no to her.

With my arm draped around her middle, she snuggled up against me as tightly as she could, letting out a contented sigh. I couldn't help but hide my face into her neck. Despite the fact she smelled like booze, I was little too tired to deny my own need to be close to her. “Goodnight, Sam.” I muttered into her neck as she giggled once more, muttering her own goodnights to me, and it really didn't take long for us both to pass out.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter 4

_I could almost smell the smoke, the blood, dirt, all of it. I looked at Sam, bound and gagged at the stake. Mathias stood there, looking over his worshipers, to his Solarii, going on about Himiko and how Sam might be the chosen one. How their key freeing themselves was by releasing the Sun Queen by using Sam. Sam looked so terrified, eye wide as she struggled against her restraints, her words muffled by the rag covering her mouth._

_I remembered this. Somewhere in the back of my head I remembered this happening before. But I tried to tell Sam to look at me, that I was so sorry. I wasn't fast enough, not strong enough. I failed her like I failed everyone else. God, she was going to die because I wasn't good enough, and it was all my fault. My best friend, the woman I loved more than anything, was about to burn to death, and I was helpless and couldn't do anything but watch._

_Mathias, finished with his speech, finally threw a flaming torch into the firewood surrounding her. The fire began to rage and I could hear her frantic screams and see that desperate look for help on her pretty face. I struggled against my captures, trying to call for her, but I couldn't do a damn thing but watch as the flames licked at her feet, her legs. Sam was going to die and all I could do was scream her name, the tears running down my face._

I was prettty sure Sam's name was on the edge of my lips as my eyes snapped opened as I shot up in bed, a strangled cry escaping my throat instead. It was still dark in my room, maybe only mere hours after I had brought Sam home from the club. Sweat clung to my skin and clothes, I could barely even catch my breath. My head spun, tears soaking my cheeks, as I looked around frantically, my brain still trying to catch up with what I already knew.

But the adrenaline fueled me, my mind hazed and confused, I was both in my bedroom and back in Yamatai, and someone just _grabbed_ me. I barely realized someone was saying my name as I struggled against the hands on my arm and shoulder. If my head hadn't snapped around to see that Sam was the one grabbing me from behind I might have accidentally thrown a fist in her direction. God that made me feel _awful._

But it was only Sam and she looked startled, confused, half drunk and half hung over. I frantically tried to catch my breathing, forcing tense muscles to relax, but they still screamed at me to spring into action. So I shrugged her off and she only looked hurt for it. But I needed a moment to collect myself. I needed space, I couldn't breathe and my heart was pounding against my chest and I had almost attacked her for trying to get my attention.

I quickly scooted to the end of my bed, half ready to retreat but then I just stopped. With feet firmly planted on the floor, feeling soft carpet on the heels of my feet, between my toes. I never even managed to stand up. I was stuck between collapsing on the spot and fleeing my own bedroom. I didn't know which direction to go, so it was almost like I just shut down right there.

For a brief moment all I could hear was my own labored breathing and my heart still pounding in my ears. I leaned forward, one arm propped up on my leg, as I buried my face in one hand, fighting back the tears that threatened me. I also felt so dizzy that I wasn't sure if I would just fall over.

But there was a rustling of the bed sheets and blanket that snapped me back to reality. Despite how foggy my mind felt from the memories of Yamatai, from the fact I knew I was about to have a full blown panic attack, I both saw and felt a slender arm circle around my middle, wrapping me tightly in a one armed hug from behind.

My shoulders sagged almost instantly as I let out a heavy but shaken sigh. I could feel Sam leaning her weight against my back as she nuzzle her head between the back of my neck and my shoulder. At first she whispered that everything was ok, that we were safe, that I was safe. And it did help alleviate some of my anxiety. I think it was mostly just being able to hear her voice, and having confirmation that she was here, with me, and that we were safe that helped calm me down.

But after a moment we both fell silent for the longest while as we just sat that way at the foot of my bed. If it weren't for Sam's fingers gently rubbing at my side in a comforting pattern, I might have thought she had fallen asleep against me.

The early morning sun began to rise as the room began to light up ever so slightly. Honestly, sitting here like this, with Sam silently trying to comfort me, had helped a little. And as tired as I felt, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back to sleep. I remembered that I had woken up drenched in a cold sweat so I had decided to perhaps go take a quick shower. It might help further relax me, I figured.

I carefully twisted in Sam's arm, unthinkingly planting a kiss at her temple. Even in the near darkness of my room I could see the blush on her cheeks. I'd have smirked to myself if I weren't so damned tired. It was about time she was the one blushing instead of me. “Thanks, Sam. You can go back to sleep if you want, I could use a shower.” I said quietly.

Sam looked up at me, an almost bashful look on her face. Like she wanted to say or do something. I myself got a little lost looking at her lips. I almost felt like she might have just let me lean in and kiss them. It was my turn to blush. Again. We both looked away from each other as she let go of me almost reluctantly. “You going to be ok?” She asked instead as I finally stood and went to grab some clean clothes.

As I rummaged through my drawers I nodded some. “I'll be fine.” I said as I dug out an extra t-shirt and pair of pajama pants, leaving them on the foot of my bed. “I can't imagine sleeping in that dress is comfortable.” I offered as I looked back up at her. She finally gave me an amused smirk as she grabbed the extra clothing, thanking me.

We looked at each other almost awkwardly once more as I cleared my throat and managed to walk myself out of my bedroom and into my small bathroom. A hot shower was exactly what I needed right now. A temptation to nearly scrub my skin right off, to not only feel clean from the sweating I had done, but from all the memories still circling my mind like vultures.

In the end as I tried to relax in the hot shower I had just wished I had curled back up in bed with Sam. At least I had felt somewhat comforted after my brain had caught up with me after that god forsaken nightmare.

God I was a mess and all I felt like doing after I shut the water off was burying myself right back into my father's research. I didn't want to risk any more nightmares and Sam needed her rest. I supposed I should at least be productive instead of moping around feeling sorry for myself. I felt close to breaking his code anyway. What was a couple more hours of research?

In the end I had set myself up on the couch, once more surrounded by books, my father's journal and my own research notes. I had been working on it until the sun was nearly completely out and had once more fallen asleep on my couch with all my books.


	5. Five

“Come on Lara, you need a break.” Sam insisted. If I were to be honest, I lost track of time. I had busied myself with my father's research. I had only just begun to scratch the surface of what was in his journal. I now know he was after something specific. I just needed to know what it was and if he had any leads on it. He had so much written down, references, pictures, places marked on his old maps. I was sure he had clues of what and where. I just had to figure it out.

I sighed as I looked towards my sitting room window. It was sunny out for a change. I wasn't even entirely sure what day it was. Or how many days had passed. I honestly hadn't left my flat in a few days at least. I had been so focused on my father's research. “Sam, I really need to work.” I protested, albeit weakly.

When I looked back at her she was looking at me a little firmly. Like she just wasn't having any of it. “Sweetie, you've been working non-stop for the last week and a half.” She stated almost flatly. My head spun at the idea of it. Had I really been working for that long? Really I only took breaks to sleep and shower. I had ate while I worked, however I wasn't even sure if I was eating properly at this point.

I was so stuck on what we had been through on Yamatai and needing answers. I wanted to know if there was more out there and why. I ran a hand over my face. I really didn't feel like being around a crowd in general. Or leaving my research. I was close to figuring out what it was my father was after exactly. “Sam...” Was all I could manage to say. Anything more was really just a lame brained excuse.

“Lara.” She said back, placing her hands on her hips. She looked like a mother hen suddenly and I almost wanted to laugh at it. But I kept my mouth shut. “Sweetie, you need a break. I'm going to be blunt. As your best friend, you need a break you're over doing it.” She said, but she was starting to smile. God that beautiful smile could disarm me if I let it... And I was letting it.

I groaned and she looked ecstatic. She knew me too well. “Sam, I really don't want to deal with a club...” I was starting to lose the battle, and she knew it. I still didn't feel like leaving the flat. Couldn't we just get some take out and watch one of her documentaries?

Sam gave me a sweet smile and shook her head. “Nah, not clubbing, something different. You need to relax, you've been going non-stop since we got home.” Sam responded. Part of me was relieved she didn't want to go clubbing, but part of me still didn't feel like going anywhere. The very idea of being in any sort of crowd made me want to panic. The look she gave me though... It made me a little self conscious. She looked concerned all over again.

“I promise it won't be that bad. It'll fun!” She said trying to get excited, probably more for my sake than her own. God I couldn't help but feel a flutter in my stomach. Here she was, concerned for my well being and I was being a stick in the mud. She was so sweet to be this concerned for me. Honestly it wasn't too different from our Uni days. She was always looking out for me, making sure I was eating properly, making sure I took breaks... Dragging me out for a night of fun, and as much as I protested even then, I usually ended up having fun in the end.

Where would I be if she weren't here? Which lead my heart to pounding in my chest. I almost lost her on Yamatai. I should have been more appreciative of her. “Okay, okay... Where are we going then?” How could I say no to her? She was probably right in the end anyway. I could do with a break.

“Oh my god, yes!” She said sounding excited as she began to head for my bedroom. “I promise, you'll have fun, Sweetie!” she called out as I assume she began digging for an outfit for me to wear. I looked down at myself realizing I wasn't wearing anything more than an over-sized t-shirt and some gym shorts. I hadn't even bothered to get dressed today. I definitely needed a break.

After she had gotten me in a loose fitting button up shirt with a tank top and one of my signature cargo pants I changed and we headed out. The weather was lovely, I had to admit. It would have been a shame to waste it sitting in my flat buried in research. Days like this were few and far between in London. It was good to get some fresh air and sunshine.

She wouldn't tell me exactly where we were going. Just insisted we'd have fun. I had little choice but to trust her. She usually didn't drag me anywhere worse than a club, so I couldn't be too nervous about whatever she had planned.

Then again.. Once we were standing outside of a large building my eyebrows shot up into my hairline. “Roller skating?” I asked in surprise. Sam giggled next to me, tugging at my arm in excitement. Ok, now I was a little nervous as my cheeks flushed some.

“We've never been skating before, it'll be fun.” Sam insisted as she tried to drag me towards the building entrance. I froze to the ground though, unmoving. I could feel my cheeks burning even more as I just starred at the building in front of us. It was true, we'd never been roller skating before, and that wasn't the issue.

She moved in front of me, grabbing my hands in her own looking concerned. “Sweetie?” She asked as I looked away in embarrassment.

Climb mountains? Check... Knew how to use a bow? Check... Slaughter half the population on some god forsaken island, fight some sort of demon from beyond the grave to save my best friend? Check.. Roller skating..? “I've never been skating before.” I admitted, the embarrassment evident in my voice. I couldn't even make eye contact.

Really this wasn't something to be embarrassed about, but there it was. When I finally looked back her brown eyes were soft and she had a smile on her face. “Honestly, I'm somehow not surprised.” She said as I rolled my eyes. Leave it to her to have me go do something I've never done before. “It'll be alright, I'll teach you!” She said sounding excited once more as she pulled on my hands to get me to move.

I sighed in defeat, but I was smiling again myself. I let her pull me along and once we were inside we were greeted by loud 90's pop music, neon lights, and a crowd of people on skates, both on the rink floor, and mingling in the carpeted areas. There was a snack and drink bar, a DJ sat in a booth close to the skating floor, and a large counter with bored looking employees messing about with different pairs of skates.

We walked over to the skate rentals and Sam proceeded to them we needed two sets of roller skates while I fell silent. I just looked around, spotting groups of people of all ages. Some families with children and friends. There was a load of people skating in circles on the large skate floor, all of them smiling. Some of them were in conversation, some laughing, some holding hands, little kids skating with their parents or friends.

I tried to take a deep breath, my anxiety rising at the crowd and loud noises. I didn't want to ruin this for Sam as she passed me my skates and lead me over to a few benches by some shoe lockers. She talked at me excitedly, saying how she hadn't done this in ages but also explaining how this even worked. I just looked at her in some dismay. I just knew I would look like an idiot out there. “You'll have fun, I promise, and I'll stick with you and we can take it slow.” She assured me as I began to pull off my boots.

“Don't be surprised if I fall on my rear out there.” I said, not entirely enthused by the idea. Sam just giggled at me as we laced up our skates.

She winked at me, which caused me to flush once again. God, I needed to get ahold of myself. “I'll catch you if you fall.” She said teasingly and I had to look away once again.

She stood first, grabbing my hands and helping me up as well. On the carpet it wasn't as hard to keep my balance and we carefully made our way to the rink. I took a few steadying breaths, my hand squeezing Sam's. God why did I agree to this? Once we were on the floor, Sam never let go of my hands, skating backwards in front of me.

I was an unbalanced mess, the skates threatening to make me fall over several times. But she was patient, encouraging me even. I'm pretty sure my cheeks were a permanent shade of red at this point as I clutched to her hands so that my feet didn't just roll out from under me. Though with my focus on what I was doing I didn't notice the crowd so much. Just me and Sam, and the death traps on my feet.

After feeling a little more comfortable I tried to go a little faster. At first it went smoothly, but next thing I knew I lost my balance, and as though it were in slow motion, my eyes shot wide open as I began to fall backwards.

For the briefest of moments my mind went right back to Yamatai. Falling off the edge of a cliff, tumbling down a raging river, that when my back connected solidly with the hard floor I was surprised to find that I was more winded than just drowning. I was grounded back in reality when Sam's body fell onto my own, winding me a second time, but she was laughing above me.

I groaned as the sharp pain shot up my back and shoulders. I ignored it though as I clutched Sam behind her back, keeping her from rolling off onto the floor and possibly having someone else fall on top of her. “Oh my god!” She kept laughing as I frowned. She finally managed to get herself back onto her feet as she helped me up onto mine. I nearly tipped over again as she just smirked at me.

“Oh, Sweetie, the look on your face.” She kept giggling at my expense. My lips pursed as I looked at her. But her laugh was infectious and I blew air out of my lips and laughed a little myself. “You ok?” She asked, finally settling down as she tucked hair behind my ear.

God I wanted to lean my face into her hand so bad. I felt embarrassed and in need of comfort after falling onto my ass in front of god and everyone. Though to their credit no one was really looking as we just stood there. They simply skated around us, carrying on with their own lives. “I'm fine.” I responded as I smiled slightly, feeling her hands roam down my arms to grab my hands again as she pulled us along once more.

In the end we spent a good few hours there, and after a while I had gotten the hang of things. We ended up laughing, joking, singing to the music, and she showed off her skills on her skates as she skated and danced to the music. I coudn't help but admire her for it. She had her own talents and I always admired from afar for them.

When we got our shoes back on and left the rink, hand in hand, I had to admit... I really needed this, and I was glad to have Sam with me for it. This had been worth falling on my ass for.


	6. Six

_I'm willing to accept promt ideas for this story if anyone has any. Before I accidentally lock myself in a loop of mopey-ness lawl._

Chapter Six

After skating I had hoped Sam would let me go back to my research. As much fun as I had with her at the rink, as much as I needed the short break, I wanted to get back to it. I should have known better. Not that I should complain. I had been neglecting my best friend this whole time. So I had let her drag me back to her flat for a lazy night in front of the telly.

We had been watching some reality show Sam was interested in. Then I had made us something simple for dinner and while she was watching her show in the lounge I had wandered off to clean up the mess I had made. So as I stood at the sink, washing the dishes I had dirtied, I had been thinking about everything I had learned so far from my father's journal and notes.

The more I learned in my father's journals the more I became convinced someone was after him. There were a few references that made it seem that way. Were they still out there? If I went after whatever my father was looking for, would they come after me? I didn't have the answers, and in a way it bothered me.

If they were still out there, I didn't know if being so close to Sam would put her in danger or not. I really didn't want to risk it, not after everything she survived on Yamatai. I had no right to stick her in the middle of danger knowing it was there.

That thought suddenly ran away with me. Like a trap door in the floor opened up and I was swallowed up by it. Thinking about Yamatai and all the people we lost. I remembered each death so damned clearly, and they all died for my sake. Roth saved me from the Solarii, and even Grim died fighting them off to give me a chance. Alex didn't even have to die, but he ran off to impress me. Me of all people, and died anyway. It was my fault they were dead.

And as much as I missed Roth... As much as he was like a father to me, Alex's death was what made me feel most guilty. He put himself in a dangerous situation just to impress me. I know that's why he did it. And I wasn't even deserving of it. I didn't even fully understand why he had made the risk.

While I was lost in those thoughts I suddenly felt a poke to my back. My whole body tensed as I jerked away and spun around, almost expecting to see the face of Mathias, or one of his followers. Sam looked about as startled as I felt as my hand suddenly grabbed at my top where my heart was _pounding_ in my chest. “Shit, Sam!” I exclaimed.

I was trying to calm my nerves, not having expected her at all. “Oh my god, Lara, I am so sorry.” She said back, looking both guilty and like she was about to jump out of her own skin. “I didn't.. God I didn't think.” She went on as she just started to look more solemn.

I shook my head, feeling the adrenaline still invading my veins. “It's alright, sorry.” I said back almost feeling cheap about it. But god, she scared the shit out of me. We both just stood there in near awkward silence. Almost like we were both avoiding the fact that I nearly had a heart attack from her simply poking at me. I leaned back against the counter, hiding my face in my hands, taking some deep steadying breaths.

“You were just... Standing there, spacing out.” Sam started. I let my hands fall from my face before letting them rest on the counter behind me, to give myself more support. My legs were shaking and I almost felt like my knees were just going to buckle from the shock I just had. “I tried to say your name a couple times, but it was like you weren't there.” Sam went on.

“Sorry, I was just... Thinking.” I responded. She gave me a concerned look before stepping up closer to me. I watched her as she carefully reached out, messing with the open ends of the button up shirt she had picked out for me earlier in the day. I never bothered to even button it up, just choosing to leave it open since I was wearing a tank top under it.

She looked up at me finally, almost in that bashful way she does with me sometimes. “Yamatai?” She asked. I simply nodded as she continued to fiddle with my shirt a bit, but looked down at our feet for a moment. “Wanna talk about it?” She then asked as she looked back at me. Even she almost sounded like she didn't want to discuss that god forsaken island.

However, she was concerned for me, I knew she was. She was always there for me in the past. Why would it be so surprising she'd put her own discomfort aside just to check on me? “I'm fine. Just a bit tired” Was my response. I knew it was lame. And the look she gave me. That look she would give me when she wasn't buying it. She was probably right to. But she always saw through me too.

“Oh ho, no you don't, Croft.” She said almost sternly. My face scrunched as she raised a challenging eyebrow at me. God, why did she have to know me so damned well. “You've barely said a word to me for two weeks. Talk to me, don't push me away.” She then said, almost sounding hurt now.

I opened my mouth and then closed it around any protest that might have come spilling out. I had to think, and she had all but stopped fiddling with me shirt, just holding it instead. She just looked at me with her expressive brown eyes, brow furrowed. She looked both upset and concerned all in one go. I didn't even know what to say. “I was thinking about everyone who died on Yamatai.” I finally admitted.

She just nodded at me, willing me to go on. “I miss Roth, and Grim, and god, Alex didn't even have to die. Why did he run off without me?” Now it was just spilling out, and I wasn't sure if it would stop. “If I hadn't have pointed us at the Dragon's Triangle no one would have had to die.” I went on. “No one would have had to suffer and everyone would be alive and everything would still be fucking normal.” I added. She suddenly reached up, putting her fingers on my mouth, stopping me in my tracks

She then invited herself into my personal space, putting her arms around my waist and resting her head on my shoulder. I just sort of froze there. With my best friend wrapped around me. It wasn't abnormal, but I didn't expect it either. “Don't you dare blame yourself, Lara Croft.” She said firmly. I felt a bit stiff for a moment, holding my breath. “You couldn't have known what would happen.” She went on. I wanted to believe her, I really did.

“But no one would have died. Roth would still be here, and Grim, and Alex... I put everyone in danger. I put _you_ in danger.” I responded. I could feel her shift against me, as if trying to bring herself closer to me. I didn't understand why she didn't blame me for everything that happened. Reyes certainly did, and she wasn't wrong. Was she?

I could feel Sam shake her head against my shoulder however. “You did the best you could.” she said without hesitation. “If it wasn't for you… We would have never made it home… We would have all died on that fucking island, and no one else fought harder than you." Sam continued. She was firm, but also trying to sound reassuring.

“Sam...” Was all I could manage, my fingers gripping the edge of the counter a bit harder. I wanted to believe her, I truly did. But I still felt at fault.

"Lara, you're the bravest, most stubborn and yet the strongest person I know. If it weren't for you all these years I really don't know where I'd be right now, so please don't blame yourself for what happened on Yamatai. You did the best you could and under the circumstances… I don't think anyone else could have gotten any of us back home." Sam said in just above a whisper.

Finally I released the counter, leaning a bit heavier on it as I put my arms around her and buried my face in her neck. The fact that she believed in me this much both terrified me and made me love her that much more. Though she didn't blame me, I knew I would likely never stop blaming myself. “Can we just go back to your silly reality shows?” I asked sounding miserable. I didn't want to think about this anymore tonight.

She chortled against me as she pulled back, cupping my face with her hands so that I would look at her. “Just promise me you'll talk to me when you feel overwhelmed. We can totally be miserable together and mope with some Jaffa Cakes and shitty movies.” She said, smiling wryly at me, as though trying to lighten the mood.

I couldn't help but laugh at that. “Deal.” I said as she grinned, grabbing my hands and pulling me back to the lounge.

She flopped on the couch, laying on her back as she silently invited me to lay with her. I felt my stomach do a flop, approaching the couch as she reached out with her hand. When I took her hand she pulled me down on top of her.

Part of me felt like this was out of place from our normal cuddling procedures, but with how miserable I was feeling, I really didn't feel like complaining about it or refusing it. So I laid on her, my head resting on her chest as she played with my hair. We both fell silent as we starred at the telly, with her occasional complaints of shoddy camera angels, just like she would do before Yamatai.

It did bring me some comfort in the end.


End file.
